Ethan's Age

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Let Me be the One Who Says it Out Loud

Just today I was told by a family member to "enjoy every moment."  (Pretty sure, though I can't shouldn't use quotes, it was followed by "They are so precious."  
Ironically, during this exchange on the phone this happened:
Precious, right?
Uh huh. Yeah.  That just happened.  Thankfully this act of paper product destruction didn't phase me much.  This is just one moment in the life of a destructatron who cries because his nose smells... or he can't slide his wood board puzzle on the door mat.

Or there was that one time he couldn't get the colors off the blanket.  

That being shown, obviously there are times that parenthood is like the piece of gum in your hair.  The one that won't come out, pulls at your hair and won't leave you alone so you can pee in peace. 

Ok, that last part doesn't make sense, but you get the idea.

And then comes along, through the fog of sippy cups, sleepless nights, reading the same book 385793485 times (slipping in a child-friendly-pitched profanity here and there)... a glimmer of internet hope.  My dear friend Rose sends me a link:

You are not a terrible parent if you can’t figure out a way for your children to eat as healthy as your friend’s children do. She’s obviously using a bizarre and probably illegal form of hypnotism.

You are not a terrible parent if you yell at your kids sometimes. You have little dictators living in your house. If someone else talked to you like that, they’d be put in prison.

Cut yourself a break.  Cut other mom's a break.  Before you say "awww, love every moment of it," offer them a coffee with extra caffeine, and maybe spike it with a mood stabilizer instead. (Sanity Rufie, anybody?)

 Maybe before saying "Cherish it all, you'll never get this time back," let a mom know that:

  • Breastfeeding isn't easy for lots.  
  • Formula isn't going to kill your baby/make them obese/make them dumb.  Carry around chopsticks to stab judgy mom's in the eye.  You'll get a glare for using it, no matter what.  At least earn the glare. STAB!
  • Sleep deprivation can lead to you putting dish soap on your waffle instead of syrup.  (Note to self, move the dish soap.)
  • Cameras are good for catching the crying moments, if only to give yourself a bit of perspective, and a break from the insanity.
  • it's totally normal for the first few months/years/decades of parenthood to suck.  A lot. I can't even be quippy with this one. It's a standalone truth.
  • Bribing kiddos with cherrios will not cause them to be 48574 lbs.  And it will allow your pediatrician to finally look in their ears.
  • Going with your gut usually works the best.  (This is also applicable after nights of heavy drinking.)  If you think you should call the advice nurse for the umpteenth time, do it.  If you think that feeding them fish sticks just this once, do it.
To read more about the things you shouldn't tell a new parent, check out the link below.

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