Ethan's Age

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

A second look, a second baby, a second thought.

Last night I caught myself second guessing our choice to try for another.

I carefully analyzed where that was coming from, and managed to talk myself into thinking I was being selfish. 

  • I wanted more time to myself
  • I wanted to continue to get my body back
  • I wanted to continue with my yoga
  • I didn't want to have to go through the intense first year again.
I, I, I.

But I then realized what was behind it all.

I was scared.  I AM scared.

For years, we tried for Ethan.  Years.  That journey was exhausting, emotionally draining, physically hard on me... the list goes on.  I dread going through this process again.  I got a message from my RE to give my body 6 months of trying before coming back to her... and the idea of needing to again just breaks my spirit a little bit.  I hope that it will not end up being like this, but secondary infertility is so common.

I am on the train to a destination called baby, but feel like it might take the long way around.

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