I carefully analyzed where that was coming from, and managed to talk myself into thinking I was being selfish.
- I wanted more time to myself
- I wanted to continue to get my body back
- I wanted to continue with my yoga
- I didn't want to have to go through the intense first year again.
But I then realized what was behind it all.
I was scared. I AM scared.
For years, we tried for Ethan. Years. That journey was exhausting, emotionally draining, physically hard on me... the list goes on. I dread going through this process again. I got a message from my RE to give my body 6 months of trying before coming back to her... and the idea of needing to again just breaks my spirit a little bit. I hope that it will not end up being like this, but secondary infertility is so common.
I am on the train to a destination called baby, but feel like it might take the long way around.