Ethan's Age

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

#whenjesuscomestothedoor

Uh.  So I let fly on some jesus people today.

So, I just put down Ethan for a nap, and it was a rough time.  He had just started to do zombie baby noises, when I hear a loud knock on the door.  It's two jesus people with their bibles.  (One nicer looking young gal, and an older matron.)  Obviously, Freu barked, and since Ethan was on the edge, he started crying.

I knew Ethan would chill out, so I made Freu sit, and went out to talk to them.  The young gal was very nice and asked about my experience with church (HEH) and I didn't go into it, but she asked if I read the bible, etc (but she was VERY sweet) and I replied with no, etc.

NOT THE POINT OF THE STORY.

So, I ended the conversation, and as they started to walk away, I said, "just for future reference, if there is a no soliciting sign, you shouldn't be knocking on my door. My infant son just woke up because you guys knocked."

The younger gal was immediately looking apologetic, and then the matron kicks in with; "well, we're not selling anything, so we will still be knocking!"

OH NO YOU DIDN'T.

I replied, "well, actually, you aren't selling a 'thing' but an idea... so you are still soliciting."

She said, "Most people don't mind if we knock on their door, and also don't really know they have a no soliciting sign.  It is our organizations policy to knock anyway. So maybe you need to put something like 'baby sleeping' underneath so people don't knock on your door."

At this point I was fired up, because WTF??

I replied "so, you saw my sign and knocked anyway and now you are saying it's my job to amend my sign to make it so it looks like 'I really mean it?"

She says "well, its our organizations policy to knock anyway" (With a snarky face, like 'yeah? so?')

To which I immediately replied, "so, you should change your policy, I shouldn't have to add a bunch to my sign to make sure that it looks like I really mean it."

She then said "well, thanks for your feedback, but we won't be changing our sign."

I look over at the younger gal (maybe our age) and she is mouthing to me; "I'm SO sorry!"  (To which I smiled and made sure I acknowledged that towards her.)

I WAS SO PISSED that this lady from the church, instead of being understanding (uh, like Jesus?) was being combative and arguing about the nature of my sign.

She HAD NO IDEA what she was getting into when she decided to engage me.  Mix in waking up my son with religion and an argument about what my sign DOES OR DOES NOT MEAN???  OOOOOOPS!

I wish I knew what church they were representing, because I'd send a very serious email.  But, I did put a note on their car (which is parked on the side yard) to let the younger gal know that I'd be happy to chat with her via email, as I'm hoping to make sure their church (that they are representing) knows how this other lady came off to me.

OY.  Fun times at the my house.  Got my blood BOILING.


EDITED TO ADD:
I got an email back from the sweet gal who knocked on my door.  I've taken out names, but I was so impressed that I wanted to put it here also. It was well thought out, kind, and genuine.  (Names, numbers, email addresses have been taken out)

Julia, 
this is the young lady who knocked on your door this morning.  First things first, I am so sorry to have awaken your son and to have put that burden upon you, interrupting your short time to get things done while he was sleeping, to have to stop and calm him down again.  I understand that must have been very irritating.

     I also apologize for my friend xxxxx.  Although she has been apart of this organization for longer than i have even been alive, this is really the first time that she is expanding in the bible ministry  to the fullest and has had some training but is going to an extensive class in a couple weeks.  Along with that class, I asure you that I will be speaking with her on Friday, that her response to you was completely unexceptable.  Trust me, we are trained to be polite, respectful, and to take our leave and keep the peace than to argue or prove a point.  Romans 12:18 says, "If possible, as far as it depends upon you, be peacable with all men."She means well and has a good heart, but she needs to be trained in how to speak with others and keep cool.  Once again, I am very sorry for her actions as well as waking your son.

   On another note, I would love to make arrangements to meet when convenient for you.  Here is my information: xxxxxxx7@yahoo.com
cell: (xxx) xxx-xxxx feel free to call or email anytime.  


My name is Jolyn.  I am sorry we met under such circumstances, but I am looking forward to meeting again at better timing. I am very interested in your experience and hope i can be of help. Would Friday or Saturday work at all for you? If not let me know whenever and I will schedule accordingly to meet you.  Until then, take care Julia.

                                                                         -Jolyn  


To which I replied:  (With some personal details taken out)

Jolyn,

Oh good, I'm happy you got my note, as I noticed the gals with the car I put it on were different... but also holding bibles, so I hoped you would eventually get it!

I wanted to make sure you knew I wasn't upset with you, as I could see you genuinely understood the situation.  I also apologize for my inability to just let the matter drop, and for engaging xxxxx in an argument that really didn't matter in the long run.  Motherhood does weird things to you, let me tell you!  Naps are golden in my house and the precious few minutes to drink some coffee and watch silly tv shows like Big Brother are invaluable.  I was caught at a bad moment. I too understand how difficult it is to take the time to speak to unknown people about something you believe in.  You never know what you are going to get when you open that door, and I regret that my last impression was one of intolerance as that is truly not a reflection of who I am.

You see, I was once very embedded in the church, high up in the youth leader ministry of a local mega church in Portland.  I was actually enrolled in bible college (but didn't get around to attending.)  My dream was to be a youth pastor.  I believed very strong in what you were talking about, once.  Sadly, that all ended on a day in 2000.


(Personal details about my story with the church have been omitted, but I'm happy to share them if you email me.)

After many years of soul searching, therapy, and opportunities to support youth who have gone through the same thing, I feel I have integrated my experience into my life and made it work for me.  It has opened many doors to befriend women who have gone through similar experiences, and helped my heart to be soft towards those who have dealt with trauma.

There is a part of my heart that is empty, that was once filled with the feeling of belonging to a large group with a similar mission, purpose and heart for others.  However, since then I've been unable to walk through the doors of any church out of fear for my safety.  Most would find that statement quite odd, but I know better.  

Do I blame the church as a whole?  No.  But those who speak for the church, the ones that were supposed to protect me, and other youth who have been hurt within it's walls.  There are quite a few of us out there, sounds like to some degree your mother was burned by the church in one way or another.  The problem with hurts caused by the church is it isn't just emotional, it's spiritual as well... and it leaves people struggling to find out who they are and what they believe.  As for the former, I am a whole person and happy with how I've turned a horrid situation into something meaningful.  As for the latter, I am always seeking that which I have lost, even if it from a pulpit.

Anyway, that's my story.  Tell me about yours if you wish?  Why are you doing what you are doing?  Have you always been in the church?  What makes yours special? I enjoy a good conversation.  Sadly, with my son at home, one in my home can be problematic (not to mention my gigantic dog.) So email is probably the easiest :)


Sincerely,
Julia

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Are you going to give Ethan a brother?

Linking up with the monthly theme post at PAIL; Considerations on Family Building

Barely a few days had passed since Ethan's arrival before several people asked, "So, when are you going to have another?"

The answer is... We aren't sure we are going to have another.

This topic makes me feel sad, honestly.  We worked so hard for Ethan, I just felt like we 'should' have another.  I mean, we put in so much time, pain, money, and heartache into the process... and now apparently my body is capable of listening, why wouldn't we?  Part of me wonders if it is the fact that my birth plan wasn't what I hoped.  Maybe if I had another I'd be fulfilled.  Part of me wants to have a sibling for Ethan.  Part of me just wants to have another for no explainable reason.

My role of being a mother is fulfilled, though.  I'm thrilled with my son and couldn't imagine my life without him.  But part of me longs to have a second.  The details are complicated though.  Do we have the financial ability to add another?  Do we want to go through those impossibly trying first months?  Do we have enough time to be the best parents possible to two?

The answer right now is no.  One thing we enjoy about our lives now is that we are able to juggle three roles very well.
Individual Jon and Julia
Husband and Wife
Mother and Father.

Adding another would upset the balance we have worked 7 months to create.  We have an amazing system for taking care of Ethan, while still giving us married time and time to be ourselves away from Ethan.  I think that's what makes us the parents that we are proud of.

I stay home and take care of Ethan all day long.  Then, M/W/F when Jon comes  home, he takes on Ethan (taking care of him in the evening, giving him a bath, and then putting him to bed.)  T/Th/Sa are my days, then we switch off Sundays.  It works awesome for us, allowing us to have time on and off.  This gives me a chance to go out and be an adult sometimes, which I crave after being around a baby all day long.  But, with another child, we'd always be on.  Always. 

I am open to having another, but right now we are so content.

And who wouldn't be with a handsome man like this?


Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Formula Moms are not the Devil...

It's been a long time since I've posted.  There are several reasons for this.

First off, I am busy with my son all day.  I read some blogs where they are able to post daily or at least several times a week, and I wonder... how the hell do you find the time to do this?  I'm amazed!



Secondly, I've felt a bit torn about what this blog will turn into.  I don't want it to become a mundane daily vomit of all the neato things my kid does (have I mentioned that he sits now?)  I certainly don't plan to discuss all the gross things he does either (potty talk anyone?)  I spent the afternoon at a Young House Love blog talk and realized, they have a specific focus for the blog, which is what makes it successful for them.  For me, other than my over-use of commas, my main focus was my journey through infertility.  However, sitting with my adorable little man has made this focus less of a need for my blogging... and now I find myself with little to say.  ZOMG MY KID IS SO CUTE.



Thirdly, I want to make sure everyone knows that I am reading many of your blogs.  I keep up with them daily, and try to comment from time to time too.

Which brings me to today's topic.  Breastfeeding.

Now,my intent when bringing my little dude into the world was OF COURSE I'LL BREASTFEED!  However, the world had another plan.  With him losing much weight near the beginning of life, and us having trouble finding a groove for many weeks... I made the heart wrenching decision to supplement, and then finally go completely to formula.  I've not talked much about this, because the general concensus is that formula moms are lazy, and generally aren't conscious of the OMG HARM they are doing to their kid.  Before I get into that, please note that my son (who is the cutest kid of all time) is doing great.  He is well fed, meeting milestones, not overweight/underweight and probably will be a model for awesomeness. (Note: yes, breast feeding is best.  No argument here.)




However, over the past few months I've fielded ignorant, judgmental comments about how awful it is to make that choice and I'm setting him up for basically failure.  (Sort of like cooking him, which I've tried.)


The last straw for me, and the reason I'm posting, is this article. (Posted on facebook by a friend who had the best intents, but it set off a fire in me.)  I'm sure the author had nothing but good intents, but I found it really horrid to read.  What I got out of it (admittedly, I'm defensive on the topic, and thus no doubt found it much more adversarial than most) was that breastfeeding was great (agreed) and if you don't it's cause you are lazy and don't try hard enough... not to mention that you don't love your kid.  (Or love bonding with them.)



Speaking as a formula mother (and hopefully more of us will come out of the woodwork) my son and I bonded just fine, and we are in love with each other.  Another side effect of bottle feeding is that not only am I in love with my son by sharing feeding time, but so is my husband.



So, those of you out there who:
-fought hard to breastfeed and couldn't...
-weren't able to make that choice because of circumstances out of your control
-adopted your little one, and thus it wasn't an option
or otherwise had to make a gut-wrenching choice.... You are ok.  Your child is ok.



Those of you who are breastfeeding... good for you!  I envy you.  However, stop judging us.  Or at least know that if you say something to us that is ignorant or hurtful, we will respond.

Yeah.  That's a Formula 'Stache

I love my son more than life itself, and to imply otherwise will awaken the beast.  Remember, don't anger the makers of the tiny humans... they will eat you alive.