Ethan's Age

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Merry Christmas

For all intensive purposes, this was Ethan's "First Christmas."

Last year, he was only 9 days old, and I was delusional from lack of sleep, and in pain from a C-Section.  I liked this year SO much better, and Ethan had a blast.  We also went to see the in-laws (and my mom, aka Nana, was also there too!)

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Faux Victoria Secret Consent Line

I'm quite possibly the only person who found this campaign horrible. Yes, it's a prank, but even when I thought it was a genuine VS campaign, I was annoyed by it. I am a survivor of a sexual assault, which I'm willing to admit... clouds my view on this, so take what I'm about to say with that in mind.

First off, there is the obvious... to see these statement underwear "consent is sexy" or "no" (ad nauseum) you already have her undressed. The general issue with this is that if you are being forcibly raped, this stage has already been met with no, or other stopping verbiage. If you are being raped, I'm telling you that a "No" underwear statement will not make your rapist stop, sit back and think "Gee, she has 'no' on her underwear, and therefore I should ponder whether this is the right thing to do... It's probably not, so I'll just leave now." Not going to happen. So, underwear as a preventative statement, no.

Second, I find this idea cheapens the idea of conversation about rape. We as a society don't talk about rape. I am rarely asked about my experience, even though I'm open about it. People are uncomfortable about talking about sex, sexual violence, sexual education, and respecting people's bodies. Making some underwear as an idea that it will somehow open the door to conversation? Not buying it at all. (This will also make me unpopular, but I find the same goes for the "walk a mile in her shoes" events.) Finding ways to trick society into talking about a hard-to-talk about topic is stupid. Let's have an open conversation about it. As time passes from the time of a sexual assault, I've found that many women DO want to talk about their experience, and have honest conversations about it. Much like we never ask Veterans about their experience during war, people don't ask about the experiences of sexual assault. Do you know how we heal? Talking about it. 

Third, I have one redeeming thought for this campaign. The only good thing I found was the use of women of color and normal sizes to model for this campaign. This is not an authentic product line for VS, but rather a prank of sorts, but I did like that they used normal girls. So, for that, a tip of the hat.

So finally, my main reaction to this is a major wag of the finger from this survivor of rape. Obnoxious, misleading and misinformed. Sorry guys. Good try. Next time, let's raise some money for your local rape crisis center... or for RAINN. If you want information about how to best give your money or time to an organization that can actually do good in informing, educating and healing the public with regards to the impact of rape let me know. I have plenty of people who need the support.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Full Circle

Ethan's first birthday is this weekend, and I felt it was about time to take him to meet a fantastic woman, Dr. Awesome.

Since this is a public blog, I am not posting her real name, unless she chooses to let me know that's ok.  But, she is an RE/Surgeon here in the Portland Metro area.

One of the first things she told me after all the testing I went through near the beginning of my infertility journey was "You will be a mom."  I took a lot of solice in that and held on to that idea through the couple of years it took, the hundred clomid pills I took, the surgery I had, the MC I had... and finally the scary first trimester of my baby boy.

The last time I saw her was when I was 8 weeks pregnant.  (Sometime in April of 2011.)  It was like old times... except without having to be half naked and worried about what my follicles were up to.  We chatted about life, and Ethan.  About her experience with her kids, and my labor plans and subsequent throwing out of those plans.  My hopes and dreams for more children, and Jon's satisfaction with one.

She asked me if it was weird to come back to the RE office.  It was, but I didn't really realize it until later.   I was uneasy sitting there, where I had sat no less than a couple dozen times along the years.  All of those times I was stressed out about what my body was doing.  Two of those times were during my MC.  Multiple times, I cried there.  Multiple times I laughed.  But as I sat there with Ethan, there was a peace of being in the office without "needing to be there."

What I didn't say was how thankful I was.  I tried to hold back my feelings, and I was concerned that I would cry, but we ended up chatting on a friend level about life, rather than her having to play Dr.  What I didn't say was how much she impacted my life... she helped me to become what I always knew I was meant to be.  She helped to bring the joy and light of my life into being.  For that I will always be thankful.  Always.

So, cheers to you, Dr. Awesome.  I truly love you, and you've made such a difference.

Monday, December 10, 2012

Monday Snaphot

I've now decided the following:
1. He obviously watches me. But Juice and Sleep Aid? I need to teach him how to really do this in style. By that I mean Margarita style.
2. He has no reason to be waking

up in the middle of the night any more.
3. I need to teach him how to operate child-proof caps. I keep having to open them for him. What a free-loader. I also fill his sippy cup. Lazy Baby.
4. There is a remote possibility he is suicidal. I've tried talking to him about his feelings but he shuts me down with his incessant weeping and babbling. Obviously he is emotionally disturbed... and so am I from the lack of sleep... so, we average out.
5. And since we are on the topic... I have the pills, and I fill his sippy cup... does that make me an accessory to suicide?

Monday, December 3, 2012

Happy Blogiversary PAIL!

In celebration of the 6 month Blogiversary of PAIL, we are all doing a Vlog- A Video Blog!

We had a few questions to answer, and here they are!
1.  What region/state are you from?
2.  What is your favorite moment of the day?
3.  What is the first thing you do in the morning?
4.  How has inferility affected how you live/parent?
5.  What do you wish people would know about infertility and parenting?

So without further ado... My VLOG!