Ethan's Age

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

You mean it's not normal?

For people who know me, it might seem a surprise that I am a socially anxious introvert who generally has issues going new places or talking to new people.

I get away with this by acting.  I go to groups, I hang out in mom's groups... after several weeks of arriving early and watching people go there so I know I'm in the right place.  I get to restaurants early and make sure the people I'm meeting get there first.   That's how weird I am.

Large crowds make me nervous.  Meeting new people makes me nervous.  I can't be around knives without feeling on edge.  I can't have people walk behind me ever.  Stairwells make me walk along the edge so I can see everywhere. All of it is just odd.  I have to laugh sometimes... I plan my entrances and exits to places and pace my exposure to people. 

I also people watch.  Though in groups I am seen as a talkative extrovert, I'm actually analyzing each one of you.  Does this make you nervous? :) 

I've found that this is quite common among people dealing with PTSD and people who have gone through various traumas.  Really, I enjoy most of it, as I can pretty much peg everyone I've met and tell you all about who they are.  Could be a useful party trick right?

People like The Bloggess give me hope.  Maybe I can channel my weirdness into a hilarious book about how my father is a taxidermist (not true, or at least I don't think so... as I've not seen/talked to him in years) or how I have a large metal chicken in my backyard (I don't, I do have a large dog... not taxidermied, and a garden gnome though.) Or how my mother made me bathe in toxic well water in rural Texas. (Not true, but she made me drink powdered milk which is worse.)  These people who are similar to me help me think that maybe I am the normal one... and you all are not. 

So, until then I will continue to make snarky observational comments about the world around me and find the people who go unnoticed and sneak a little knowing smile... and maybe a dead animal or two. 

Try not to look at me too weird.  I'm just like you... just with some quirks.

1 comment:

  1. Like you this way. Your so witty, funny, and knowledgeable. Sorry you have to deal with PTSD, but you are awesome. Thanks for braving your anxieties and fears so we can hang out with you and your little dude. It is always a pleasure. Oh, also, I am glad you have me figured out, because I wish I husband would probably pay you for any insight ;)