Ethan's Age

Sunday, April 24, 2011

I Win at Life

Last cycle was my miscarriage.  It also marked the 2 year anniversary of us starting to try having a baby together.  How naive we were at the time.  2 months, maybe 3 right?

2 years later, we get the news that we are pregnant.

It went downhill from there.  I learned a lot about myself, especially that I use humor (very successfully) to get through hard times.  I learned a lot about others, for example all the people at work who knew I was pregnant and didn't say a word to me after the week I took off dealing with the aftermath.  But, mostly, I learned about how awesome my husband Jon is.

During that crazy time, he had to go up and take the biggest test of his life, the Bar exam in the state of Washington.  While I was going through a horrible experience, so was he.  Perhaps that gave me some comfort. Once he arrived back home, I was able to take a deep breath and move forward.

We were told to not try for a month.  It was a vile way of describing it but Dr. Awesome's Nurse said "there might be left-over product" *SQUIRM* " that might make it hard for any baby to implant.  So, that was that.  After much consideration, Jon made a great point.  "Would you be able to forgive yourself if you lost your fertility because you couldn't wait a month to try again?"

He's always the reasonable one.

However, I couldn't wait.  We'd waited for 2 years already, and being that my cycles are 40 days, I couldn't wait 3 months to find out again if I were pregnant.  I might  have also looked into some extensive research that says the cycle after a miscarriage has been linked to high fertility rates.  Think of it as a uterus workout before the marathon.

At 10 DPO, I take a pregnancy test. 
I was in the shower while it was "cooking" and when I got out, I laughed.

There were two lines.

I sat down on the floor, stared at it and laughed.  Sure, why not get pregnant again?  After 2 years, I've turned into super fertile super woman?

Well, it was confirmed by a Beta of 15 that afternoon.

Day 11 and 13?

Those lines are no joke.  I would also like to note that day 13's line was darker than any line I got with the miscarriage.

Beta Doubling? They wanted it to be at a minimum 24. Mine was a 52.

Dr Awesome called again and told me about my Beta, and I laughed. 

At our 6 week ultrasound, we saw the baby!  I got one of those wonderful internal ultrasounds and it was silent for a bit too long, so I asked "Is it in there?"  My Dr piped up with "Sure is, everything is measuring perfectly."  

Then Jon, who was at this appointment exclaimed "is that a heartbeat?????"  And it was.  A calming, fast wonderful heartbeat in the middle of that tiny tic-tac sized thing. 

I suppose what has weirded me out the most lately is this feeling of "Now What?"  For 2+ years, we've been focused on one thing, trying to figure out why cooking a baby is so hard.  There's a recipe for heaven's sake!  (And really, what recipe is only two ingredients, and can still be messed up???)  I'm still trying to figure this all out.  I look at the picture, I look at my bloated self, and feel like I'm going to throw up, and try to put my head around this whole thing.  I've grown quite comfortable with the title "Infertile" and not so with "Pregnant."  I need to shift my thinking. 

We're pregnant.  We saw a baby.  We saw a Heartbeat. It's not going anywhere. 

On the way out, I told Dr Awesome that I hope I never have to see her again.  I meant it.  She gave me a referral to a "normal OB/GYN!"  You mean, a Normal Dr?  That deals with normal people?  Huh???  Unreal.  My husband is more emotional about these things, and he was so giddy (and almost teary-eyed) at our ultrasound, but I was more in shock. 

I'm happy with the new place I've been referred to.  They have a required question/answer/informational session for all newly pregnant mom's that I found was very informative.  They have an advice nurse during the day, and Dr's on call at night, and they deliver at the hospital next door. The funny thing is, I'm actually toying with a natural (ish) birth.  I've got a doula.  (Who, though I don't know her too well yet, seems to be my identical twin?)

I caught myself worrying about vaccines, and schools, and summer camp and and and and.  Then I realized, I'm now worrying as if I will have a child in 7 months.  Because I will.  I'm reading "parenting."  These things simply boggle the mind. 

I'm going to make sure that I really enjoy this. 

We are due December 11.

We are pregnant.

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