Ethan's Age

Friday, June 25, 2010

State of the Uterus Address

Good afternoon, loyal blog followers!

Here's an update to where we are at here in the Schetky household. 

Firstly, I had a job interview for a camp director position.  This is my dream job, and has been since I worked at camp in 2004 and was on leadership team in 2005.  I would have loved the job, and it would have been a dream, but they chose someone else.  I did get to the final interview and was one of the two they were picking from.  To get that far, I was pretty proud of myself.  However, since I didn't get the job, this most likely (as long as $ is ok) means that I will be starting my Masters Level course work soon.  I had two undergrad classes to take before I can start (which means I will officially have a Social Science BA with a minor in Psych, and a BA in Psych.)

In baby news, we are still in limbo.  This month I am taking 150 mg of Clomid (which has increased my hot flash levels enormously.)  I will be getting an ultrasound mid cycle to see if my non-blocked side is producing.  If not, they will add more drugs.  Good times.

Work is going well.  With this job not panning out, my self-induced pace of needing to get an entire year of Pre-K curriculum done before I leave (for the new job) has diminished.  I am still on the lookout for interesting opportunities, but am content where I am.

Our house roommate has found a place, so it will be back down to the three of us (the dog, and the husband and me.)  It's been great being able to help out family, and to reconnect with my cousin, but it's awesomer for all of us to be able to see each other, well... not all the time!  :)

So, CD 6.  Stay tuned.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

First rule of infertility club, is that you don't talk about infertility club.

Good evening!  I know you are all on pins and needles just WAITING for a post.  You can all calm down now.  I'm here, and I'm posting like there is no tomorrow.

Let's see... where did we leave off?

First off, my mother is all kinds of awesome.  Because she is a classy lady who doesn't need public accolades,  I will refrain from the details of awesome, but she has taken a stresser off my life in the event that I choose an option not originally accessible to me.  How cryptic is that? However, please take a moment to send a metal muffin to my mother :)

Second, we are in the midst of hosting my cousin from Ohio, who has decided that this is the time to move to Oregon!  I love having her here, yet it's hard to get used to the lack of space I feel with another person in the mix.  However, her ability to soothe my game playing desires definitely helps, and I'm more than happy to host her for the short term while she settles in :)

In baby news, I am sitting on DPO 10 tomorrow.  I could tell you that I haven't tested already, but we'd all know that was a lie.  This morning I opened my cabinet to get the glass I have to use to test and a BIG FATTY SPIDER was crawling in my glass!!! GAH!  What could I do but flush it? It was huge.  At least as big as a breadbox!!  Well, ok, it wasn't.  But I HATE SPIDERS. I was taking a shower after thinking of the old adage that you are never more than 6 feet away from a spider.  This sent chills up my spine, and I obviously had to look everywhere and inspect every large piece of dust or stick left by the dog on the carpet for 8 legs.  So far, I'm safe.  I'd also like to note, that as much as I'd like to say I caught this spider intruder and put it under a glass and calmly got a camera to take a picture of it for you loyal readers... I didn't.  This picture is someone else's spider, under someone else's glass.   Use your imagination.

Where was I?  Oh right, baby stuff.  So, BFN's for now, we shall see how this cycle turns out.

Big job finalist interview soon!  Dream Job, here I come!  I am frantically busy trying to get ready for summer camp at my current non-profit youth work job.  Summer Day Camps start on the 21st, and I am totally on fast forward.  I am in charge of supply shopping for Eastside programs, creating and printing itineraries for all of the Summer Day Camp Program participants, all the while trying to create an amazing Preschool Curriculum.  (Any teachers in the house want to share a link or resource or two?)

In other work news, the person who inspired this post is leaving our company.  I'd like to be the bigger person and wish her well, but events then, and events now make me happy she is moving on. First rule of infertility club, is that you don't talk about infertility club.

And so goes my post.  I love your comments, and try to respond to each one!  If there is a blog you think I should be following cause of their awesomeness, let me know!

Monday, June 7, 2010

Struggling to Understand Where I'm at, Exactly.

After today's appointment, it sure looks like I ovulated again from the side where I have a blocked tube.  This is quite discouraging as you might imagine.  I've begun the process of grieving a child that I will never know.  I feel alone and discouraged.

Edited to add:  My husband is the most loving, kind and understanding person I could ever hope to have in my life.  Despite this, I have a sense of alone-ness on this issue.  The idea that I might never be able to carry a child is a large driving force behind my feelings.  

To recap, basically it looks like I don't ovulate, except on my blocked side. Options go as follows:

1.  Repeat the HSG.  ($$$)
It's possible my tube is not blocked, however unlikely, and a repeat procedure could show that.  The idea that my tube spasm-ed during the test is probable, but this may not have caused the blockage seen on the test.

2.  Laproscopy. ($$$$)
Outpatient surgery, but surgery none the less.  Not high on my, or my doctor's high priority list.

3.  Increase exponentially the amount of Clomid I take. ($)
This seems like the most rational and least costly option.  What do I have to los with this option?

4.  A Stairstep increase of dosage, with internal ultrasounds frequently to chart what is going on and whether drugs are working. ($$-$$$)

5.  Injectable medication ($$$)

6. Adoption. ($$$$$)

So.  That's where I am at.

I'm not sure what else to say, but I feel like I should talk about it.  I feel defeated.  Though this sort of post might inspire the *hugs* or *hang in there's*  I don't really want those.  If you have something to share that might be insightful as to where I am at (with your own experience, etc) please share.

Who feels stupid? This girl.

For these many months, I've been faithfully charting my progress... my BBT, my body signs, my OPK's.  The long cycles have been forgotten.

Well, I find out this morning whether I've been assuming wrong.  I got an OPK+ this morning, and am going in for an ultrasound.  An IUI is out this cycle because Jon just started his new job today, so it'd not be right to ask for coming in late one morning for this.  However, if I find out that I ovulate on the correct side this month, there is hope for pregnancy! 

My assumptions are this.  If the "shorter" cycles (39 days) are on the side that doesn't have a clear path, and the long cycles are like 54+ days and I got an OPK positive, I must be ovulating from the other side?  Eh.  I'm trying not to get my hopes up too far.  Update later.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Proper Update

Ah yes, the ambiguous update of earlier just doesn't quite cut it for me, the epic blogger.  So, here we go.

 I'm on cycle 7 of Clomid (though I've heard that the longer you are on it the less likely you will be able to sustain a pregnancy, due to thinning uterine lining.  Can anyone confirm or deny this?)  I've started to become accustomed to the hot flashes and mood swings that I now embrace with this medication.  I feel like I should be going through menopause.

I also know that I will never go on birth control again.  We will have our two kids, however long that takes, and then move on with life.  Birth control, in it's many forms, may have screwed up my ability to have children.  It was smart to take when I needed it, but that responsibility has taken it's toll.

I've started up again on a half dose of antidepressants.  I've felt a lot more even since restarting, and I think I'll remain on them for a while.  No harm, no foul.

Life is starting an up swing.  Jon just graduated Law School and was offered a position that he loves (he interned with them during this past year.)  This means that I can finally go back to school and start on my Masters Degree.  I will be starting my Masters of Psych degree as early as mid June.

This however is dependent on an interview that I have coming up tomorrow (a phone interview, not sure if there are more to come after that) for a director of a local camp for students with disabilities.  It has been my dream to run a camp since 2004, and it's a hard industry to get into.   I feel that I'm very qualified, and overall job dissatisfaction has led me to start looking again.  I'm going into my 3rd year of working my butt off at my current job, with no pay raise, and no actual recognition about how I am doing.  I have a degree and years of experience and deserve better, so off I go to look for that something.  In the meantime, I am working hard and still putting my all into my position.  I feel as though a transition is on it's way though.  However, worst case scenario?  I don't get this new job, and I get to start school part time.  Pretty awesome second place scenario!

Our Puppy Freuhauser is also calming down a bit.  With both of us humans on the same page, he has settled into a routine.  This gives us much less stress, and we enjoy having him around.  Currently he is sprawled across my legs in bed.  He's a 1000BTU furnace (or Fur-nace?) though, and soon he'll have to move.  Hot Flashes+puppy heat= Flushing Momma.

More and more of my friends are starting to expand their families.  Some are having the baby shower, some are just finding out they are expecting.  Some just had their first child, or are talking about how hard it is to conceive their second child.  I feel like a horrible friend for turning down baby shower invitations, but mentally... I just don't feel up to it. 

But, my time will come.  Truly, it will.  Dr Awesome is awesome, and if it can be done, I have faith she can make it happen. 

I am reading all of your blogs, and would love your recommendations as to other fun blogs to read.  Thank you for all your comments.  Comments= mental cupcakes.  (Mmmmm, cupcakes!)