Ethan's Age

Monday, April 26, 2010

With One Phone Call, Life Changes Forever.

Emotionally, I've been gearing up for the IUI.

My heart is excited, I'm ready to go, and very hopeful.

Until this afternoon.

***You have 1 new message: "Hey, Julia, it's Nurse Awesome from Dr Awesome's office. I need to talk with you when you have a moment to discuss what the plan is going to be for this month. Please give me a call at Dr Awesome's office as soon as possible."

I think, sure! No problem! They probably want an update!

Me: "Hey Nurse Awesome, this is Julia calling you back!"
NA (Nurse Awesome): "Hey Julia. I wanted to talk with you about your test results."
Me: "Excellent, let's do that. What I know is that I'm supposed to give you a call when I get a OPK+ and we are going to do the IUI."


NA: "No."
Me: "No?"
NA: "Well, Dr. Awesome looked over your HSG and noticed that you have a blocked tube. Did you know that?"
Me: Yes, but this is the month that is from the non-blocked tube, being that it is a normal length month, I have a jump in BBT and many other signs that I am ovulating!"
NA: "Well, you might be ovulating, but if you are ovulating on this side, it's not going to make it down to where it can get fertilized."
Me: "Wait. So let me get this straight. We can't do an IUI because you don't have a tube that works."
NA: "We will check you when you get an OPK+ to see if the other side can produce, but we aren't sure."
Me: "But, this is the month that is supposed to be normal length and ovulating. I never get a OPK+ on the other months, I don't get a rise in temp, or any other sign."
NA: "Well, this could mean that you don't ovulate from that side."
Me: "I know!"
NA: "We are going to do another internal ultrasound when you get an OPK+ to see if the other side can produce. We can also try next month trying some other drugs that can help you ovulate form that side. But, for right now, if this side is the only one that is producing this month, there is no reason to do an IUI."

So. Basically, this is the story.

I have a very strong potential to never be able to have children.

Ever.

I've had some posts in the past that have been down in mood, but this one is about as low as it can go. I'm having to face the possibility of never being able to have children.

This wrecks me.

My husband has been as supportive as he can be, and he would love to have children, but knows how much this means to me. The other thing that I am frustrated with is why didn't anyone notice this earlier? Why toy with my emotions by not ordering needed tests, like internal ultrasounds after starting Clomid, to make sure things were working correctly?

I'm mad. I'm mad at Dr. Awful, pissed off that I had to go through the ups and downs of thinking I could conceive and never actually being able to, I'm mad that tests weren't done correctly and sometimes weren't done at all. I'm just mad.

3 comments:

  1. Oh sweetie I am so so sorry. *hugs* Don't give up yet! We will all be here for you! xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you. I'm not giving up yet, but it's hard to hold on to hope sometimes.

    ReplyDelete
  3. ::big safe hugs:: Sending big hugs and much love.

    ReplyDelete