Ethan's Age

Friday, October 23, 2009

Freak Out= Good?

Well, this week has been probably the hardest for quite a while (probably since the chemical pregnancy, for me.) Emotionally, I was on a rollercoaster of panic and worry and feelings of failure.

"How easy", I think, "it is to grow a human... why can't my body get it's act together?"

I had an emotional meltdown, which led me to send myself home from work, and fighting tears while playing with kids.

Why is this good? (You may ask?) Well. I hit bottom... or at least the most bottom I could hit for now. I flipped out. I may or may not have started a fight about tape on a light switch at my home with my marvelous husband... to which he argued back, but then bought me "feel better pills" (candy corn) and managed to be the cutest husband ever... yet again.

I'm currently on CD 18, no sign of ovulation yet, and I'm religiously taking OPKs. There is a pale line, a bit more than earlier in the month, so that's a good sign. My temp is still low, and I forsee a few more days low.

One thing that has helped me cool down and mellow out is that next month we will be adjusting our conception plan. We will be relying on OPKs only, and not actively trying until there is a certain sign of impending ovulation. Next month, if the pattern stays true, will be a longer month anyway (and I'm assuming this is from the tube that is blocked, therefore, no ovulation?)

Jon will be getting tested after this cycle, and then I'm actually pondering taking a few months off Clomid/medication to continue on my weight loss journey (I've lost 20 pounds since the beginning of summer) and seek out more "natural" methods of increased fertility and treatment. I'm going to try acupuncture and a few herbal methods as well. Those of you on my BlogList, anyone try any natural methods? Which ones?

I think you all for being on this journey with me. My friends have provided me with such strength and support. In the past week, a beautiful friend has even offered to be a surrogate... if it came to that. How blessed am I.

So, through freaking out, I've suddenly been able to calm myself a lot.


  1. Hope you ovulate soon. It really does suck when month after month nothing happens like it should.

  2. Acupuncture is great. It can work very well, too. We did it for a while before ART and during our IVF cycle, which resulted in both embryos taking.