Ethan's Age

Friday, October 23, 2009

Freak Out= Good?

Well, this week has been probably the hardest for quite a while (probably since the chemical pregnancy, for me.) Emotionally, I was on a rollercoaster of panic and worry and feelings of failure.

"How easy", I think, "it is to grow a human... why can't my body get it's act together?"

I had an emotional meltdown, which led me to send myself home from work, and fighting tears while playing with kids.

Why is this good? (You may ask?) Well. I hit bottom... or at least the most bottom I could hit for now. I flipped out. I may or may not have started a fight about tape on a light switch at my home with my marvelous husband... to which he argued back, but then bought me "feel better pills" (candy corn) and managed to be the cutest husband ever... yet again.

I'm currently on CD 18, no sign of ovulation yet, and I'm religiously taking OPKs. There is a pale line, a bit more than earlier in the month, so that's a good sign. My temp is still low, and I forsee a few more days low.

One thing that has helped me cool down and mellow out is that next month we will be adjusting our conception plan. We will be relying on OPKs only, and not actively trying until there is a certain sign of impending ovulation. Next month, if the pattern stays true, will be a longer month anyway (and I'm assuming this is from the tube that is blocked, therefore, no ovulation?)

Jon will be getting tested after this cycle, and then I'm actually pondering taking a few months off Clomid/medication to continue on my weight loss journey (I've lost 20 pounds since the beginning of summer) and seek out more "natural" methods of increased fertility and treatment. I'm going to try acupuncture and a few herbal methods as well. Those of you on my BlogList, anyone try any natural methods? Which ones?

I think you all for being on this journey with me. My friends have provided me with such strength and support. In the past week, a beautiful friend has even offered to be a surrogate... if it came to that. How blessed am I.

So, through freaking out, I've suddenly been able to calm myself a lot.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009


Today, I've caught myself several times starting to panic. Jon and I have been trying to start our family for almost 7 months, and I'm starting to panic.

The fear of the unknown, and the fear of the known are rearing their ugly heads, and I am worried. I'm truly trying to settle my thoughts and calm down but I've really had to work hard to take my focus off of these thoughts.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Oh my!

I've been a horrible updater. Please forgive me :)
I'm currently on day 2 of my Days 3-7 Clomid. This is the last round before they reassess where I'm at. They will then move to testing Jon, and higher levels of medication with the possibility of adding Metformin or another type of medication.

In theory, this month would be when I would ovulate from my unblocked ovary. (Assuming the other is blocked, which was a possibility brought to light by my HSG a few months ago.) I still have hopes for this round, and I pray this will be the last time I have to take this medication. Many report mood swing, which I've not really felt, other than a shorter fuse and lack of patience. I have, however, had weird hot flashes. I feel like I'm going through menopause.

It makes me nervous, as a couple of fellow bloggers have been forced to move to the IVF route. I pray I'm not going to have to worry about that level of things. It's still a possibility, and I'm trying not to get my hopes up.

Saturday, October 3, 2009


I'm currently on my second cycle of 100mg Clomid. I started at 100mg. Last month, my temps followed a normal pattern, and went up round the estimated time of ovulation (or at least when I should have). I had a 39 day cycle.

I'm now on day 49 of this cycle, and AF still hasn't arrived. I'm not pregnant.

My questions are:

1. How do I know I'm actually ovulating? They did testing the first cycle, including ok levels and rising form the clomid as expected... but did I just not ovulate this month?
2. Should I ask about raising my dose? Would this do anything?
3. I now haven't a clue when to baby dance for next cycle, being that this month will be at least 10 days longer than last month...
4. What would YOU ask if you were me, when I go make an appt with my OB/GYN?

What do I do? I'm incredibly frustrated!

Friday, October 2, 2009

Kreativ Blogger Award!

A huge shout out to Samantha who awarded me the "Kreativ Blogger Award!" That Award is also Kreativ-ly spelled! It's a pretty great thing, as I get to nominate my favorite 7 blogs and nominate THEM for the Kreativ Blogger Award! You can find her blog at

In order to accept this award, I have to do a few things…ready? Here we go!

1.) Thank the person who nominated you for this award.
2.) Copy the logo and place it on your blog.

3.) Link to the person who nominated you for this award.
4.) Name 7 things about yourself that people may not know.
5.) Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers.
6.) Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.
7.) Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they’ve been nominated.

Seven things you may not know about me!
I'm deathly afraid of going in carwashes. I love being in them if I am a passenger... but my fear lies with never being able to get my tire in where they want it to go. This fear also somewhat ties to Jiffy Lubes! That darn hole in the floor!
2. My husband almost lost his wedding ring on the bottom of the ocean during our honeymoon. He was swimming and it slipped off. Luckily, he saw the sun glint off it, and dove after it. Little did he know, it was about 30 feet down, and he had a lifevest on. He managed to swim all the way to the bottom, grab a handful of sand... and there it was! The funny thing was that he swam with his hand in a fist the rest of the day to keep it from falling off. :)
I have around 7 bottles of shampoo in my shower. I rotate them, and I'm never quite happy with any of them.
I have an addiction to frozen cokes at Burger King.
I'm Sci-Fi nerd, hardcore.
If I had my way, I'd not get out of a hoodie and pajama pants for the rest of my life.
I have a deep seeded fear of not being able to have children.


I hereby nominate the following for the Kreativ Blogger Award!

1. My Cousin Bee over at Bee Repartee (
Bee ponders life with children, Mr Coffee, and the meaning of her answering machine message. Generally, you never really know what you're going to get, but you are sure to get a smile.
Rose over at Notes on Being the DuctTape Hero (
A barista takes a look at life, love, and artistic and obnoxious orderers at her local coffee shop. She also graces my reader with creative songs, poems and random ponderances. Emma Rose also happens to be one of my closest friends, and quite possibly one of the coolest people I know.
My friend Brittneigh over at Lemon Love (
Fashion? Insanely cool hats and shades? Generally feel-good stuff up your alley? Lemon Love is the place to be. Watch Brittneigh play with her camera, and show you her amazing calligraphy and artwork. (I'm biased, but she did the calligraphy on my wedding license.)
My friend Maureen over at Our Little Blob (
Maureen describes life with her little Blob (who really isn't much of a blob anymore, he's 5 months old!) Watch her journey through new motherhood, the fun details of pumping during her lunch break into ziplocks and pictures of her super adorable little boy. Maureen and I reconnected after many years... she and I were best of friends in middle school!
A mom blog: Do They Have Salsa in China? (
A mom of adopted twin girls from china shares adorable tales of the kids, pictures, and bento boxes.
Playgroups are no Place for Children (
A mom describes her tales of being a mother. My favorite was a letter to dora the explorer. She criticized Dora for having a deformed head, yelling and being generally uninteresting... but her post about it made me giggle with glee (and sympathy)
Paper Tastebuds (
A creative mind shares her creative wedding ideas and her latest projects. She also has a knack for finding very simplistically beautiful things from around the world.

So thank you Sam, and congrats to the winners!