Ethan's Age

Friday, August 14, 2009

I need Encouragement.

I just really need some positive thoughts and words right now. My Clomid cycle failed, and my blood test came back negative. I'm on day 37, and I'm worried that I just won't get my period, or whatever. I'm just anxious and having a hard time with it all. What if the one thing I want to be, a mom, isn't possible? All these years trying to avoid pregnancy, and now, when I actually want to have a child, I can't?

2 comments:

  1. Hugs. I can't imagine what this struggle is like because I have very negative feelings with the visage of myself as a biological parent. But I still see and hear that you're really hurting through this.

    I had an English teacher who was unable to conceive for years and publicly talked about the level of anguish they experienced – it was really intense, especially as a rather naïve high schooler. They ended up adopting, I think my sophomore or junior year. Maybe they "gave up" in a way, but whenever the proud parents showed up to school events, they had so much love for the little tyke that it even made "I hate kids" me feel like goop inside.

    I think you'll be a mom. Things happen when they do. Maybe you have one super-egg that's just biding its time, or your body (seems logical) needs some more time to catch up after birth control. I have faith in that sort of thing... you're definitely on a journey. So I'll be rooting for you to stay strong and keep your eyes open. It'll get you there.

    Sending many mental fuzzy!kittens and cups of hot cocoa.

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  2. It's interesting see think about what it would be like to have someone who is a horrible biological parent, and what it would be like to think about becoming one. Though I have problems with my parents from time to time, and have just started to reconnect with my father after a period of time that I chose to be estranged from him... it's hard to imagine not wanting to be a parent. I'm happy we are friends so I can learn more about you and what makes you tick :)

    I think I will be a mom too, it's so frustrating to wait, but I imagine that when it happens, I will truly find it a blessing.

    Thanks for the kittens and cocoa. Let's have a real cocoa together this fall, yes?

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