Ethan's Age

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Failure Again

Now, Before I start this blog post... I'd like to remind everyone, that I'm not saying that 9 months of trying for a child can compare to people who have tried for years. Lately, I've found a crew of hopeful mom's telling people that they have "no idea what it's like to try for YEARS." You're right. I don't.

Does this diminish my experience? No. So, with that understood, on I go..

Blood test came back negative. I suppose I didn't expect the emotional impact of this negative. I had high hopes for this cycle because of the additional drug support. I thought I had prepared myself by reading that it often takes a few cycles... and even scared myself a bit straight by reading blogs of women who HAVE been trying for years. Yet, getting the email that my blood test came back negative was like a slap in the face.

The full force didn't hit me until this morning, about 12 hours later. I feel off center. I feel like a failure. Reasonably, I'm aware that it's not my fault (in the willing fault sense) but I feel as though something as simple as conceiving, something people have done for millions of years is somehow beyond us. However, here we go again.

If someone asks me about whether we are planning to start a family, or "just relax" or "lose weight" again... I might punch them.

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