Ethan's Age

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Awkward Moment At Work

This morning I was at the copier and a girl, let's call her Laura, came up to me. Here's how the conversation went. (BTW, she's like 40 to 50 years old, as a reference.)

Laura: "So, are you the one who is going to a special doctor to try to get pregnant?"
Me: *pauses for what seems like quite a few seconds to just shake this 'why the hell is she asking me this, and why is it any of her business?'* "Uh, yeah... who told you that?"
Laura: "Oh, I dunno who told me, I just heard... So.. are you?"
Me: "Am I..."*pause* "What?"
Laura: *Matter of Factly* "Pregnant."
Me: I might be, I might not be... I don't know.
Laura: *Incredulously* "you don't KNOW?"
Me: "Of course I know. It's just something that I may or may not share with everyone." *Strong Inflection towards frustration at her nosiness.* "It's personal."
Laura: *Obviously offended and appalled that 'I' wouldn't tell her anything* "Well.... good luck with all those endeavours then."
Me: "Yeah, thanks."

See, it's one thing if she had read my blog, where I am very open about this whole thing, but she heard it from someone at work, I guarantee it. Gah, I'm so annoyed.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Almost Done!

Tuesday marks the last day of Clomid for Round #2 (and hopefully, the last time!)

I'm curious that Clomid really hasn't affected me. Many people say that they experience rapid mood swings, etc... but so far, it's been great. if anything (Jon even says) I might be happier and more grounded than ever.

Up next? Well, a OPK wait. I've received the pack of 20 OPK's from online... these are MUCH cheaper, and many people seem to use them and see good results. Much nicer than having sticks around.

I've made a decision, at least for now, that until we are done having kids completely, I'm not taking birth control anymore. It really messed with my system, and it took nearly 8 months to fix it.

Thursday, August 20, 2009


I re-read my Clomid information post, and found this little gem:
8. What about multiple births as a result from Clomid? Clomid is a low-level fertility drug. The chances of a multiple birth (twins) increases 40 times while taking Clomid.

Jon is freaked out by the idea of having twins. I actually prefer it, as I could just do the whole child-birth thing once and be done with it. Also, I think that it would be easier with sharing the clothing resources, etc. Jon thinks it would be nuts. I understand where he is coming from, the whole "two babies = two times the amount of work", but still.

Who's with me? Am I crazy?

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Today I went to get my next dose of Clomid. I'm trying really hard not to hold my hopes up too high, but I have this feeling that this month will be the month! Jon is really good about trying to keep me from getting too hopeful, so now I'm just not teling him. But, I really do have a feeling!

I start Clomid again on Friday of this week for 5 days, then start ovulation testing. I got some OPK strips for cheap online, and will end up saving me about 30 dollars, as I'm getting 20 for $18.00, instead of 7 for $30.00!

Sunday, August 16, 2009

And Yet. There is Hope.

For the first time since being off birth control. I had a normal cycle. I ovulated, and I had a 38 day cycle.

I know that it's not a clear picture, but the cross hairs say when I ovulated, and it's right on track. 10 days after the end of Clomid. We missed our window by 2 days, but next time, we won't.

This gives me such hope, and peace that I can be a mother. It might take a couple of cycles, but, my body can do it.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Failure Again

Now, Before I start this blog post... I'd like to remind everyone, that I'm not saying that 9 months of trying for a child can compare to people who have tried for years. Lately, I've found a crew of hopeful mom's telling people that they have "no idea what it's like to try for YEARS." You're right. I don't.

Does this diminish my experience? No. So, with that understood, on I go..

Blood test came back negative. I suppose I didn't expect the emotional impact of this negative. I had high hopes for this cycle because of the additional drug support. I thought I had prepared myself by reading that it often takes a few cycles... and even scared myself a bit straight by reading blogs of women who HAVE been trying for years. Yet, getting the email that my blood test came back negative was like a slap in the face.

The full force didn't hit me until this morning, about 12 hours later. I feel off center. I feel like a failure. Reasonably, I'm aware that it's not my fault (in the willing fault sense) but I feel as though something as simple as conceiving, something people have done for millions of years is somehow beyond us. However, here we go again.

If someone asks me about whether we are planning to start a family, or "just relax" or "lose weight" again... I might punch them.

Friday, August 14, 2009

I need Encouragement.

I just really need some positive thoughts and words right now. My Clomid cycle failed, and my blood test came back negative. I'm on day 37, and I'm worried that I just won't get my period, or whatever. I'm just anxious and having a hard time with it all. What if the one thing I want to be, a mom, isn't possible? All these years trying to avoid pregnancy, and now, when I actually want to have a child, I can't?

Blood Test

Now that it is day 37, and possibly more than 3 weeks past when I think I ovulated, I'm going to go in for a blood test today. I still am getting BFN on my HPTS, but I dunno. I'm defintely feeling a bit off, and I've been absolutely exhausted for the past week. I'm not sleeping well, my temperature is still high, and there are other things that point to the possibility that I'm pregnant. Of course, I want this SO much, that things could be happening because I want them too.

So, here's hoping. I'm not sure when I can expect to get my results, but I'm going to try to rush them.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Clomid Information

Frequently Asked Questions about Clomid
1. What is Clomid?
Clomid is a fertility drug. Its chemical name is Clomiphene Citrate, and Clomid is sometimes also referred to as Serophene. These are all the same drug. It is used to treat women who have an ovulation problem by stimulating the ovaries to mature an egg.
2. What does Clomid do?
Clomid works by suppressing the amount of naturally circulating estrogen and "tricks" the pituitary into producing more follicular stimulating hormone (FSH) and Luteinizing hormone (LH). These natural gonadotropic hormones (FSH and LH) then stimulate the ovaries to ripen a follicle and to extrude an ovum (egg).

3. When do I take Clomid?
Your physician will instruct you to take Clomid on either days 3-7 or 5-9 of your cycle, and it is usually based upon the Dr's preference and/or experience. Please follow your physician's directions carefully.

4. How much should I take?
The initial recommended dosage is 50 mg but it may be increased to 100 mg (or more) until the desired response is achieved. It is important to chart while taking clomid and some doctors will recommend using Ovulation Predictor Kits (OPKs) as well.

5. When will I ovulate?
It may take time to establish an appropriate and effective dosage for each person. Once that is established, you should expect to ovulate 5-8 days after the last pill is taken. If you do not conceive in that cycle, AF will usually arrive three weeks after the last pill.

6. When should I DTD (have intercourse)?
You should DTD at least every other day, beginning the third day after your last pill is taken and continuing for one week, or until a thermal shift indicates you've ovulated.

7. Are there any side effects from Clomid?
Clomid can interfere with the ability of the cervical mucus glands to be stimulated by estrogen to produce fertile mucus. Only "hostile" or dry cervical mucus may develop in the days preceding ovulation. Robitussin may help to improve the cervical mucus.

The most common side effects are hot flashes due to the body's hormone levels and a mild headache. The headache usually disappears once the last pill is taken, and the hot flashes once ovulation has occurred. Visual symptoms such as spots, flashes or blurry vision are less common and indicate that treatment should stop.

8. What about multiple births as a result from Clomid?
Clomid is a low-level fertility drug. The chances of a multiple birth (twins) increases 40 times while taking Clomid.

9. What about ovarian cysts? I've heard Clomid can cause them.
Yes, you can get an ovarian cyst while using Clomid. An ovarian cyst will dissipate on its own, though. It is, however, necessary for your ovaries to be checked for cysts before any additional dosages of Clomid are administered. Clomid could cause an enlargement in an ovarian cyst.

10. Is Clomid associated with any congenital birth defects?
The % of congenital birth defects in children conceived with the assistance of Clomid is no different than the % of congenital malformations in the general population.

11. How long will it take for me to get pregnant using Clomid?
More than half the women taking Clomid will get pregnant during the first three cycles and more than 3/4 occur at the 50mg. dose. Most doctors will only prescribe Clomid for six (6) cycles. After that time, other measures may be recommended, such as IUI or IVF.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Prognosis Negative!

Well, I took an HPT this morning, and it was a negative. However, this is really early in the game, and I wont' really take any of them seriously until around Wednesday or Thursday.

I'm going back to work tomorrow from a long week on vacation. I'm hoping not to stress out too much, and also to continue with the Couch To 5K. I'm on week 4, day 3 on my next run. Next week is a 2 mile run. To think that a bit more than a month ago, I was unable to run for 60 seconds. What a great ride!