Ethan's Age

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Updates- Day 70- Cycle 3

Well, I finally got an appt. with an OB/GYN. I'm looking forward to moving forward with the whole TTC process. After some close research, my symptoms line very closely with PCOS (Polycycstic Ovary Syndrome) which affects quite a few women. It includes an irregular cycle, weight gain, feeling odd, and depression. All of these things I've been going through for the past up to two years.

I'm also considering Acupuncture, as it seems closely related to success stories in this area. We shall see, but I'm not going to depend solely on this. Hopefully between some fertility drugs, starting the Couch to 5k again, and acupuncture, my body will be kicked into some sort of normalcy.

Yes, I realize it's not been THAT long that we've been trying, but already my mind is being sent into a bit of a panic. My mother tried for years to have me, and I just don't know if my heart could take that long of a journey with the ups and downs that have happened in the past couple of months alone. What if I can't have a child? This is something I've dreamed of for as long as I could think about it. I'm sure I'm over-reacting but my mother, trying to be helpful, always is reminding me that this sounds just like what she went through. I hate it when she says that, because I can't bear trying for years upon years.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Update- Day 69- Cycle 3

Tragically, the human side of Julia has reared it's ugly head. I found out my counterpart at the office, who was married the same day as I, is now 7 weeks pregnant.

Jealous and a bit annoyed, yes. Happy for her? Not yet. I've been unable to acknowledge her as of yet with the obligatory "congrats about the baby" stuff. I don't want to say it until I mean it. Am I a horrible person? I feel like a bit of one right now.

In other news, I definately feel odd, hot then cold, shaky and a bit dizzy. My blood test said no baby, but who knows at this point? I think I might check that out tonight with another HPT to see if something has changed.

Otherwise, I'm now on day 69 of this cycle. I'm going to see a OB/GYN (YUCK!) in a couple of weeks to see if I might have PCOS (Polycycstic Ovary Syndrome). The weight gain and feeling icky could be connected with that, and that could explain the long cycles that are erratic. There's virtually no chance of concieving with the length and erratic cycles. I need some help.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Mixed Feelings- Day 57- Cycle 3

So. As you can read below, the last positive test was actually a negative according to the blood test done at OHSU.

I'm a bit annoyed as my body has just decided to go postal and do it's own thing. Last cycle was 45 days, and this cycle is still going strong at 56 days today. I emailed my dr to see if there is anything I can take to regulate a bit. A fellow blogger suggested to try the ovuwatch, which apparently can nail when you ovulate better. (Because timing at this point would be pointless.) However, It's very expensive, and I can't justify spending that much at this point. If it gets to a year of trying, and nothing, maybe I will.

I think the thing that bothers me is that now I have no faith in Pregnancy tests. Between today and a couple of weeks ago, I've gotten two positives, and here I sit not pregnant.

Oh, in other news. I've been looking into weight gain and the Nuva Ring, and they are VERY connected. Hundreds of people in one forum alone have reported weight gain (and a large # of pounds) on the ring. I'm hoping that being off it will help. However, I noticed weight gain very quickly after starting the Ring. So far, nothing has come off, but maybe in time it will come off? Sigh. I'd like to be as healthy as possible before getting pregnant.
Maybe it's time to try the Couch to 5K Again. I want to be a runner, but my body hates it. I'll try again though and see if I can do it. I think if I can make it through week 2, I could do it! If I could do a 5K, I'd be really proud of myself!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

The roller coaster grinds to a halt

Looks like a no-go this round, as the blood tests came back negative today. It sucks. I guess it's time to shift our hopes/expectations to the next round. Here's hoping that the third time is a charm...

Monday, June 15, 2009

Dr. Appt- Day 55, Cycle 3

Well, after the weekend's events, I've made an appt with the dr. I will be getting a blood test to confirm or disprove that I am pregnant. Either way, something has to give. I'm either going to get some drugs to kick roundhouse kick cycle into some sort of normalcy, or I'm popping out a kid in 9 months. No in between. I can't do this 'yes' on minute 'no' another thing any longer. Thankfully, this time was much less traumatic than the time before. I wished I hadn't had that time before at all, but it made the disappointment much easier to bear.

I could see how lately I've been "feeling pregnant" but who knows.. Might be psychosematic.

If I'm pregnant right now, I'm 5 weeks along and due in the beginning of February (Feb 10, 2010.) Jon found out that if I am preggers, right now is when the little blob gets a heart beat. According to Dr Spock (Not the vulcan) "eyes are starting to form, a mouth-like opening appears near the "head"; finger and toes are beginning to form. The brain now has three recognizable divisions, as it does in the fully-developed baby and adult."

It's an odd feeling, much like being taken over by aliens, (which obviously i know a lot about) having a creature inside of me. Man, the first time I feel it kick or move is going to be a weird sensation.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

The roller coaster continues...

After what we thought was a pretty definite answer yesterday (the digital 'yes'), we wanted to take a second test this morning just to confirm that it was actually a 'yes' (considering what happened last time). Since the test we took yesterday was a digital test, we both figured it was a pretty reliable 'yes' - it's hard to misinterpret a word, especially when you compare it to the faint line we both relied on last time. (And yes, we're both aware that last time may have just been us reading into it to get the answer we wanted).

So this morning rolls around, and Jules takes her second test. We thought that it would be a routine, predictable confirmation of yesterday's result. Unfortunately, when Jules took the test this morning (same digital brand with a simple 'yes' or 'no' result), it came back 'no.'

I have now picked up a new brand of digital tests, and we're planning on testing again (maybe later today, maybe tomorrow) to try and figure out just what the hell is going on. I wonder if it's harder to get a false positive or a false negative?

I'm trying not to get too bummed, and also trying to tamp down any excitement from the positive test (again). Hopefully we'll get another 'yes' on the next test(s), and the 'no' we got this morning will have just been an anomaly. Let the roller coaster continue...

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Roller Coaster of Baby! Day 53- Cycle 3

Two weeks ago, on a pregnancy test, I saw this:

So, I waited until Jon got home and I had made him a cute set of playing cards listed with 52 reasons I loved him.

It looked like this:

In it were a whole bunch of reasons why I think he is the cutest, most lovable guy I know.

He has requested that the contents remain between him and I. But, take my word for it, it was offensively cute.

The last page said "how excited you will be when you find out you are going to be a dad." This was his face:


Sadly, later on, when I took another pregnancy test, it was negative. I chalk it up to a horrible thing called an "evap line" or a line that appears a bit beyond the readability window. It makes it look like you have two lines, but you really don't. As you can imagine, I was crushed, and spent most of the weekend almost feeling like I had lost a kid. It was awful. Jon felt the same, and we just had a really rough weekend.

I kept testing, because there was still a possibility that I would be pregnant in the future weeks, due to the timing of conception attempts.

Today, June 13, 2009, I took another test. This time it was digital, as I wanted a very clear answer to the question: "Am I pregnant?"

Here's it's response:


Now, we are both cautiously optimistic! (I'm pretty dang sure, because there isn't really any room for interpretation.) If this is for real, our due date is on February 10, 2010!!!

Now, I have much to do, including figuring out an OB/GYN and setting my first pre-natal appointment. I have also decided that I'm skipping the whole birth part. I think that isn't for me. I'm looking into transportation for the method of moving the baby from the uterus to the real world. I watched this idea on the documentary movie "Star Trek." (So it must be available everywhere now!)

Stay tuned for a post from the glowing father to be. (Father's day is just around the corner!)